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Are you my Soul Mate?

A couple of days ago I found out on facebook that two of my friends, both of whom I have known since 4th grade, have started going out. Me, being on the opposite side of the earth, knew nothing, heard nothing, and could say nothing but “WTF” as a fb comment on their synchronized profile and cover photos. 

Because seriously, WTF. Call me jealous and I will happily admit it. Lord pray they don’t see this post….the question faces me everyday as I watch girlfriends find bf here and there, and I can only “‘ello? where the f is mine!?” And the only answer I can hear from all around is that the time hasn’t come and the right person hasn’t come yet. 

But what why hasn’t it happened yet? I have known these two friends for a very long time, I have deemed the guy as perfectly my type, someone who fulfills everything on my list a bf should be, and the girl is one the most loving and caring person I have ever meet with a beautiful voice to boot. Though I wish them well and good luck, there’s that voice in the back of my head whispering and beating them and myself down. Crushing any dreams I had of finding someone to like me back.  

At that instant when I saw their fb status, I kept telling myself that god has a plan, god has a soul mate for me, without really believing it but praying that it would be true. And then another friend, bless her soul, reposted a blog post titled, “My Husband is not my Soul Mate” on fb. Dear fb, please stop crushing my dreams. Because apparently isn’t enough for you to remind me of my singleness but also to crush all aspirations that there might be a significant other out there for me. 

But my dear friend, for seriously bless her soul, in reposting that post taught me something so incredibly important; that love isn’t planned or sketched like a building on a blue print, but love is a choice. A choice we make to become more like Christ, a choice we must have the courage to take, a choice that our god already knows, but a choice nonetheless that we have to make. 

And today I realize that love is earned, love can be right next to me, love is not thinking it will last, love is courage and love is never planned. So today, I live without a soul mate but with some damn hot, nice, amazing friends. 

(via zoufrica)

KDramas

Many of my friends have often laughed at my addiction to Korean dramas, citing it as a waste of time, and as a drug that has given me unhealthy doses of a fake reality. Indeed, watching korean dramas have set my expectations for the male population quite above “normal” standards, it has made me hopelessly in love with romantic characters and has implanted within me a dream that there is someone out there just for me with both have the looks and charisma of Lee Min Ho. I can’t deny that kdramas’ have ruined my life in some ways, but watching them have also taught me quite a few things about myself, life, and people along the way. Here are a few lessons from some recently finished dramas. 

Can You Hear My Heart?

     One of the best dramas I watched this year, yes, it’s old, yes, it’s long, but by jolly is it insightful. I never thought about sounds, the sounds we hear everyday, laughter of joy, the wind in the trees, and the noises of our own thoughts. To be left with no sound at all. To live and see the trees blown this way and that, your loved one’s mouth move, to plug in earphones and hear nothing. Nothing. Not even your own voice. After watching this drama, I came to realize how blessed I truly am with every working part of my body, from being able to see, to being able to hear. Yet despite being able to appreciate all the wonderful and beautiful things God has put in this world, I go and merely glance at all that beauty. More than anything this drama has taught me appreciation and love for the things that we are blessed with and perhaps aren’t blessed with. For our God is a good God and everything goes for a reason. 

Rooftop Prince 

    Frankly, this drama was just a plain goofball with a touching time-travel stamped story behind it. It was filled with the typical good vs. bad karma story plots as well as the oh so original “love travels long (space and time) distances”. Yah whatever drama, if there was anything to be learned from this drama, it’s Micky YooChun’s big fat mistakes. Number 1. beauty ain’t everything. Number 2. when time traveling, be prepared. Number 3. Not every electronic screen can shrink and expand dude…oh and on a side note, apparently whipped cream in a can makes a good chaser for soju. 

Fashion King 

    This was an interesting drama since it didn’t take the normal happily ever after ending nor did it have the conventional love duo, but rather it was two people who came together because they had no one else. It wasn’t love but loneliness and desperation for survival that brought them together. And in that I thought it was beautiful, because for love of death, we all want to live, and that desire is the stronger than anything else we may have. 

BIG

    This drama unexpectedly taught me about something I never thought I could learn about, maturity. Maturity is slow. It is painful. It takes experience. It takes persistence and a certain willingness to fight for it and against it. It takes knowing yourself, it involves taking on responsibility, and being able to receive and accept love as well as give it. You will feel loneliness. It is different for everyone and just because you are 35, doesn’t mean that you are any more or less mature than an 18 year old. It simply means you have more experience in this long journey called life. It’s not the destination, it’s how you get there that matters. It’s the smaller steps, not the huge sweeping events that usually make people mature. Many, including myself complained and gaped at the ending of BIG, for the drama be so brilliant and then end without even seeing the two lovers together made my heart cry but a semi-open ending makes one think about the journey that got us there. Maturity is the same way. 

And thus concludes my little blurb about the usefulness of korean dramas in my life. Totally not saying that every drama has something to teach us but I do like to think that they are a little more than my personal escape from reality into fake fairytale-like aspirations.  

"Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call. Go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign because it might never come. Don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really."

- Harvey Milk (via moaka)

(via guccifarts)


It’s in moments such as this that I truly say I believe. 

It’s in moments such as this that I truly say I believe. 

(via guccifarts)

The End

Here it is again, the end of another year as per defined by the institution of education in America. It seems scary to say that I have been a college student for a year now, yet as sad as I am to look at the closure of my baby year, I am just as about excited for the start to some actual work. Not to say of course I have been derping around for the last year…or actually maybe I have been. 

But of course it was not the productive type of derping around I did in high school but a sort of derping with friends that is only possible in college, where there is an essay due the next day and we don’t give a damn. 

It is not so much as a wishing for the year to not end more so than a desire to stop time. I simply wish to be frozen in this period where I don’t have to pay taxes, where jobs aren’t really exactly the priority on my list, where I can still kind of not care about school and grades and where friends are everywhere, and new experiences are right around the corner. And of course where I can eat all I want and not really care since my 18 year old body will lose all of it off in a month. But as most desires, it doesn’t go according to plan, the year comes to a close, and I have to do my goodbyes. Though I know I will see these wonderful people again next year, it seems the separation puts this dent in our space-time continuum that we have shared for seemingly eternity. For during college the days are nights and the nights are days and when they all add together they equate eternity.

The end is perhaps not truly the end nor is it truly the beginning and one of the most amazing things of good friendships is that they pick up right where they end off. And the time lost is nothing more than time spent in some other space with some other persons. I trust that my experience so far at college will only get better, may haps not stress-wise but definitely in growth and development of relationships and thoughts. 

Closure makes me sad at the prospects of time moving on, of us not being able to anticipate the future and of us only being able to look back with nostalgia at memories of past moments. Yet the inevitability of it flowing is unstoppable and the inadvertent sadness of leaving will only hold us down from the many oppurtunities a courageous step forward will have in store. I don’t pretend to be happy to be leaving but I am excited to come back with new derp stories to share with those I love. 

London. Need I say more?

(via zoufrica)